During the holidays I spent some time in sunny Florida and I had brought with me the book “Daring Greatly” (by Brené Brown) to read while relaxing at the beach. I heard about it when she was interviewed by Oprah last year.
The topic of the book revolves around vulnerability and how it is NOT a weakness but actually our doorway to a richer, more authentic , more creative and more courageous life. The author devotes a whole chapter discussing shame as well.
As I’m reading her research findings about shame and how it feels, I could not help but think about how so many of my clients feel when it comes to the state of their personal finances. Many admit to feeling shame when it comes to their money situation.
In her book, Dr Brown says that one way to overcome shame is to actually speak about it. “The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives”. So as painful as it might feel, to kill shame, we have to talk about that same exact topic that we are so ashamed of.
Speaking Shame is the way to get rid off it. Which brings me to the reason I was inspired to write this post: if you are feeling ashamed of the way you have handled your finances until now, your starting point will be to speak about it and not keep it all to yourself. Secrecy will only make it worse, because shame thrives on secret keeping.
I especially liked this one powerful sentence where she says “if you own the story , you get to write the ending. When you bury the story, you forever stay the subject of the story”.
So taking responsibility and owning the situation is crucial if you want to be the author of your financial life. And at the end of the day, you are not what has happened to you. You are what you choose to become.
In 2014 (and forever after for that matter!) , I encourage you to speak up about your money challenges when all you really feel like doing is bury them deep under. Your solution is to seek an empathetic and supportive ear who can help you lift the shame and replace it with a sense of worthiness.
As a money coach who is passionate about helping people with their finances, I know that I can offer that empathetic ear, in addition to practical money solutions to your particular challenges. Call me for a free consultation !